The "N" Word

See, nigga first was used back in the Deep South/Falling out between the dome of the white man's mouth/It means that we will never grow,/you know the word dummy/Upper niggas in the community think it's crummy/But I don't, neither does the youth cause we em-Brace adversity it goes right with the race/And being that we use it as a term of endearment/Niggas start to bug, to the dome is where the fear went/Now the little shorties say it all of the time/And a whole bunch of niggas throw the word in they rhyme/Yo I start to flinch, as I try not to say it/But my lips is like the oowop as I start to spray it......hey sucka nigga!- Q-Tip, "Sucka Nigga" A Tribe Called Quest

Inflammatory......hateful......thought provoking.....controversial.......toxic. All of those descriptions tell the sordid tale of the infamous "N Word".  But like all words in the English language, it is organic and it evolved.  While the natural state of the word is one steeped in racism & oppression, it has also been used  for social commentary, liberation and empowerment. Comedy legend Dick Gregory titled his 1964 book "Nigger", as did artist Nas title his album "Nigger" in 2007.  Mr. Gregory  explained that he wanted to "take this snake out of the closet and defang it".  Nas was met with criticism from the NAACP and Jesse Jackson to which he retorted "If Cornel West was making an album called Nigger, they would know he's got something intellectual to say, to think I'm gonna say something that's not intellectual is calling me a nigger, and to be called a nigger by Jesse Jackson and the NAACP is counterproductive, counter-revolutionary."

 In both instances these artists made people look at the word, with no way to ignore the ugliness of it, while also seeking to perform an linguistic exorcism of sorts.  Its been called the ugliest word in the English language, activists want it banned, others take ownership and reshape it.  Countless books, panels & examinations. But I'm not here to give the history of the word or debate it's merit and usage.  This is a personal decision that I am making to eliminate the word from my personal vocabulary.

When faced with the critique of the word's usage among the Black community, many will argue that we have seized ownership of the word and taken the power from it. Much like women with "bitch", gay men with "faggot" and other social minorities that take words of hate and morph them into words of endearment, while condemning anyone outside of the community for using it.  But have we really taken away the word's power? And if we have, then why does it still hurt so much when we hear it? Does the fact that a white person can  no longer say the word without swift repercussions mean that we have won ownership of the word or does our visceral response confirm our continued slavery to the pain?  We take off the "-er" and replace it with "-a".  Spell it "nucca" or "nukka" to somehow dilute the sting and further validate it's continued existence in our vernacular.  I began to really look at the hypocrisy in support of the word. During one debate, I felt pretty stupid listening to other Blacks try to explain why we can use it and they(Whites/others) can't....shaking my head as I look at the White person's face in disbelief. I could do nothing but chuckle to myself.  Usually in those conversations it is explained that we use the word to express love, which is accurate, but Whites aren't allowed to use it due the racial connotations and hate associated  with our historical relationships.  Only problem with that is.......well, ...it's a kind of a lie! Yeah of course, it's used  to identify kinship and brotherhood, but I have heard it also used, myself included, with nothing but pure hate! I used it to show my disdain, disapproval and lack of respect for other black men that I found myself in conflict with. Trust me, there was no love when I spoke that word with clenched fists and seething anger.  In that context, my use of the word is no less venomous as the white man's use.  Maybe I'm splitting hairs here, but I know I make a little sense.  If the pure contradiction within the rationality of using the word wasn't so obvious to me, perhaps I would still participate in it's use but I don't see that happening.
  
Okay......now  here is where it gets damn tricky. Anyone that knows me, knows I live and breathe hip hop to the fullest. From Mobb Deep to Mos Def,......NWA to Common.....I devour the shit.  And as I try to embark on this journey of vocabulary purging, enjoying the music I love has gotten pretty interesting and almost comical at times.  I wish I had that censored version of WuTang my aunt bought me when I was around 19yrs old....."Shame on a Nuh....that tried to run game on a nuh!" You should have seen our faces in my buddies Vigor when that song came on.....WTF?!?  Now don't get me wrong. I don't have a problem with my fave artists use of it per se, I'm just saying it's a hard habit to break when I'm doing 70mph down the beltway and in the zone. For instance the song 75 Bars by The Roots........haf' mercy Sheila!! Black Thought managed to get the word  "nigga" in that song so many times, it's dizzying but it's done so purposefully, masterfully and is almost used as an instrument thru the song...here is the link>> The Roots 75 Bars
The word is used by the most ignorant of artists to most righteous of conscious rappers.  So it's no escaping it in the world of hip hop and with the music's permeation of popular culture, your gonna have a lot more people that aren't Black using it.  But is that wrong? When I sing along with Dead Prez talking about "..running up on them crackers in their city hall", that doesn't mean I hate Whites anymore than a White kid singing along with Rick Ross saying "...I murder one of you fuck niggas!" They always say that art imitates life, but more often than not art can influence life and until artists make a conscious effort to stop using the word, I really can't fault anyone that's not black from getting a bit confused on when and when not to use it, if they too are of the hip hop culture.  Once we stop dealing in the grays......things become black & white. 


I've always made a conscious effort to refrain from using the word around my grandparents and even my parents, knowing the very real experiences they have witnessed in their lives in association to that word.  So if I can exercise that same thoughtfulness to them, why should I not extend it to my generation and the next?  Yes, rapping my fav'rit songs will be a bit complicated sometimes as I try to replace that word with other nouns and such.....but so be it.  I am choosing to acknowledge my brethren with real words of love, camaraderie & appreciation.   Fam, chief, bro or even twin........but  you won't be my nigga.