No Man's Land

So, I’m going thru my morning routine as I’m getting ready for the work day, and it’s coming down to what shirt I want to wear.  A few days ago, I bought a shirt from H&M that I was quite taken with.  Nothing too fancy, but just enough style to do some things with it in the future, and today was the day that I was choosing for its debut.  As I’m putting on the shirt, its fitting my arms and shoulders just right, a quick glance in the mirror to give myself that nod like “yeah….today is gonna be a good day!!” As I begin to button the shirt, I slowly make my way up as we approach the moment of truth: The Second Button.   

The cut and fit of a shirt is very important to a man. Granted we aren’t very selective about too many things but in the realm of being a well-dressed man, this is a paramount issue. You never want the second button on your shirt to be too high or too low.  Too high and you look like your mother is sending you off for picture day or when you unbutton it your neckline and collar looks like you just got yoked up for getting caught stealing outta K-Mart (not that I know what that looks like, mind you).  A button that is too low and you are venturing into the territory of extreme man-cleavage…..now granted some man-cleavage is appreciated by the fashionable female, but even they have their limits as it ventures into creep territory.  In both instances this area is called “No Man’s Land”. 

When the button is too high and you button it, you just look like some dude name Henry that wears irregular underwear and sleeps in the mother’s basement.  It totally takes away from any attempt at looking sexy. 

Granted you may look neat but at the same time, you look sorta rigid and stiff.  On the other end, you may choose to leave it unbuttoned, but now as your collar flip flops and falls to wayside, you’re now looking disheveled and unkempt like a frat boy that hasn’t quite figured out the concept of a shirt that fits.  Either way, this is just bad for all parties involved.   

In the case of the low button, this can just go wrong on so many levels. With the right amount of chest showing, it can be sensual, cool & sexy looking and portray an air of confidence. There are some shirts that are purposely made to be worn with the second button undone, because to button it would make the shirt look like it’s pulling across your chest. 

On the other end of the spectrum however you are entering gold chain sharks tooth region with an uncomfortable amount of chest hair jabroni status. Nobody wants to look like some sleaze named Fernando that sells carpet cleaner and pornos out of his back trunk.  Unless your name is Prince or Steven Tyler, I shouldn’t be in danger of seeing your belly button.   

We can never be too sure with this subject and most men are not expert tailors that can eyeball the distance of a button on shirt to determine whether it’s a good or bad placement.  So fellas, as much as most of hate to try on clothes, this is the one time you want to extra sure about your purchase. Know the look you’re going for and try to find a brand or like brands to stick with and you will never have to worry about that Second Button!